17. ”Twas the night before chemo…

Having had a great couple of days with friends in London and Oxford, it’s back to reality tomorrow, as we go into chemo 4.

As author and editor, it’d be easy for me to pick and choose when I record videos and publish updates, to always present a positive picture, perhaps even an unbalanced one. But tonight I’ve decided to share the reality of me NOT always bring Little Miss Positive! 

I’m human, and despite the general sense of being super strong and fighting this hard, the individually slight side effects, when added together, do get to me sometimes. And despite having done it three times already and walked out of hospital feeling fine, I do feel anxious about what I’m about to do, as you never really know how your body’s going react, being that bit weaker each time. 

So tonight’s video isn’t a ‘woop woop nearly there!’ or a ‘let’s do this’ rally cry. Instead, it’s a moan from a slightly anxious chemo patient, who is sure she’ll feel much better this time next week!






4 thoughts on “17. ”Twas the night before chemo…

  1. You can do this baby girl. Doesn’t hurt to feel human & therefore not always 100%. Actually helps us lesser mortals who aren’t always as strong as you!! In our eyes you are truly amazing. Love you so much. XX


  2. Practicing Tonglen for both of us….for you breathing in any physical discomfort and any mental pain, on the out breath my wish to send comfort, peaceful feelings and perhaps a lightened load. For me….strength to be a more kind and understanding being and to refrain from rejecting difficult situations…Om shanti x 3
    Thank you for publishing your pictures…. it’s courageous and helps anyone following your journey…
    plus: you now have a home on my shrine!


  3. Ps: real tree? We haven’t gotten round to putting ours up… Maybe tomorrow…concentrating on gifts for the kiddos. My husband helped by purchasing a zillion things from QVC. Very nice gesture but what’s a four year old going to do with a Mercury glass Christmas tree? Or a power screw driver? At least he didn’t get me a vacuum cleaner!


  4. I tried to send this message last night but it looks as if it never arrived ….,what I said was that I thought what your were feeling was the same as so many people on the evening before a chemo session. I also said that there are so many of us who, in our own feeble way are fighting along with you. I, myself had been thinking ‘lets’ get the 12th over and then you could stand proud and say ‘that’s phase 1 done and dusted’ I also said that I would await your next post where you would be chuckling about your understandable comments of Sunday night.Take care Petal. Jennix


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